The Gladiator

Pietro Red Light Browning, Louisville's quintuple threat

Led the league in shots downed and most likely unpaid debt.

Old Pete could find his way around many a bawdy house;

He played tag with the working girls - or was it cat and mouse?

It surely wasn't 'field the ball', cuz' there Pete had no fun -

One year he won the bat crown, fielding .741.

(A scene which was just now conceived convulses me in tears -

Picture him and 'Kong' Kingman ace cutters for DeBeers!

'Aw $#%@! Gimme another 20-carat diamond!')

One more thing Petey could do was steal bases with clout.

Put a drink on every bag - you'd never throw him out.

But what Browning loved most of all was gathering his hits -

He won 4 batting titles and gave pitchers cussing fits.

This mustacioed hitmeister - both tall and large of frame -

Is the second hottest hitter not within the Hall of Fame.

His story ends in '94 - lifetime .341 -

Except that Pete's repute lives on, for one small thing he'd done.

The day he got Bud Hillerich to turn him one new bat,

Browning smacked 4 hits and Bud forsook the automat.

Hillerich's company turned into one huge bugger -

its title came from Pete's nickname, 'The Louisville Slugger.'

Dan Grey Taylor Jr.

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