The GladiatorPietro Red Light Browning, Louisville's quintuple threat
Led the league in shots downed and most likely unpaid debt.
Old Pete could find his way around many a bawdy house;
He played tag with the working girls - or was it cat and mouse?
It surely wasn't 'field the ball', cuz' there Pete had no fun -
One year he won the bat crown, fielding .741.
(A scene which was just now conceived convulses me in tears -
Picture him and 'Kong' Kingman ace cutters for DeBeers!
'Aw $#%@! Gimme another 20-carat diamond!')
One more thing Petey could do was steal bases with clout.
Put a drink on every bag - you'd never throw him out.
But what Browning loved most of all was gathering his hits -
He won 4 batting titles and gave pitchers cussing fits.
This mustacioed hitmeister - both tall and large of frame -
Is the second hottest hitter not within the Hall of Fame.
His story ends in '94 - lifetime .341 -
Except that Pete's repute lives on, for one small thing he'd done.
The day he got Bud Hillerich to turn him one new bat,
Browning smacked 4 hits and Bud forsook the automat.
Hillerich's company turned into one huge bugger -
its title came from Pete's nickname, 'The Louisville Slugger.'
Dan Grey Taylor Jr.
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