Thursday, March 17, 2005
The Congressional Steroids in Baseball hearings are underway, and to spare you the grief of having to watch them, here's a summary of what the players said:
Jose Canseco: You guys will have to read my book, because unless you can guarantee me immunity from state prosecution, I can't tell you under oath what I've been telling every C-grade local TV news channel for weeks to pimp my book.
Sammy Sosa: I didn't do it.
Mark McGwire: I'm opposed to steroids, and I offer my services as a spokesman to major league baseball, and my foundation is going to dedicate itself to fight against youth steroid use. But I'm not going to snitch anybody out or admit anything, and I'm going to take the fifth amendment a lot without saying I'm taking the fifth. Jose Canseco is a big liar. Major League Baseball is doing a great job at getting rid of the problem already.
Rafael Palmeiro: I fled Cuban communism as a child. I don't do steroids. Jose Canseco is a big liar.
Curt Schilling: I'm really gung-ho for Bush and pro-military, so I will tell you about the wounded soldiers I visited at Walter Reed hospital, even though it has nothing to do with the issue at hand. I don't know why I'm here unless it's because I've spoken out against steroids before. Jose Canseco is a liar ("a so-called author"). Major League Baseball is doing a great job at getting rid of the problem already. This is a witch hunt even though Jim Bunning said it wasn't a witch hunt.
Frank Thomas (via remote video/audio): I hate steroids, and I'm willing to work with everybody, especially kids, to warn them off steroids. It's the parents' job, though. By the way, the union volunteered to change the collective bargaining agreement to test for steroids. I've never, ever, not once used steroids.
That's it so far, as of 3 PM ET.
No mention of baseball's anti-trust exemption by the congressmen, by the way.
posted by The Crank 11:47 AM
